i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
