I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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