I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
