If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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