guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
