if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
