Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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