That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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