She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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