just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
