the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
