and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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