Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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