Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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