check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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