Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
