At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
