just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
