You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
