There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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