my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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