we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
