I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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