i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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