I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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