Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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