'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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