I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
