I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
