im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
