first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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