Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
