apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
