I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
