I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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