I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
