The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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