I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize