Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
