Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
