He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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