My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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