I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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