She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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