I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
