I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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