he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
