im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
