just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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