i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
