No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
