I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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