dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
