I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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