I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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