Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
