If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
