Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
