when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
