I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
