what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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