So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
