end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
