i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
