Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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