This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
