Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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